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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Iām amazed by how quickly I forget what Iām doing.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
when in Rome get naked ;)