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Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"