Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
take me drunk i`m home
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)