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I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"