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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?