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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.