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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...