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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.