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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)