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"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.