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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
I’m sad when my food is over.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.