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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.