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Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.