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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.