Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Gym update: not there
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!