Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.