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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...