Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.