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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.