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I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
I’m late for a disappointment.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That