Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
I’m late for a disappointment.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Just wrote β€˜You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That