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Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.