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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?