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FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
The only dates I get are updates.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.