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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook