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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.