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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.