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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Mondays are middle finger approved
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.