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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.