Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.