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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
They should make Vodka ChapStick
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.