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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.