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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Is there another word for synonym?
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.