Daily Silly Status

I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"

I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.

One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak

I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.

To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.

Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.

To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)

I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."

I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.

A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay

Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"

Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”

I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.

I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?

I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.