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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.