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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."