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I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.