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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?