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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."