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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.