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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. Iām starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.