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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?