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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
What number SPF blocks people?
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
I always advise people never to give advice.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor