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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....