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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume