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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.