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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on