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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.