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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?