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When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.