Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.