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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.