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Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy