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Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Save water- shower with me!
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now