Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
I give myself the best presents.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"