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One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
It`s no fun if you have permission.