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Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Tieam... problem solved