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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.