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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.