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I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.