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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.