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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
Life`s short ... Drink fast