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It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.