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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
lol I rotfl
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."