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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)