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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Valentines day
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.