Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.