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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?