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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…