Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.