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2 words, 1 finger.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
I wish karma would send me email notifications.