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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.