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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
I dare you to spit on this status.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.