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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.