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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.