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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.