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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books