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Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!